Crossroads

I have reached one of those decision points in my life.  The crossroads where I must decide which way to turn. To decide to stay the course or to navigate in a different direction.  And which direction?  So, what do I do?

In reading and listening to much of the wisdom on what to do when life feels at the crisis stage, the message is clear – turn inside and listen to your heart.  Tune in to what your body tells you to be the right direction.  Make a plan and do that.

Well, here’s the problem, I never learned to listen.  So as far as I’m concerned, my body is the equivalent of a deaf-mute.  It feels that something is off, it just doesn’t know what its saying or how to listen. In a sense, I’m the blind leading the blind.  (Well, I identified three senses that aren’t working.)

Here’s what I’ve decided to do.  I’m going to go on this journey, and I’m going to take you along for the ride.  It may be boring or it may get wild and hairy, I don’t know.  I’m not yet there.  But I want to share a little of why I’m choosing to be public:

• At one point, I put this blog aside because I wasn’t sure what I wanted it to be, messed with the settings, and fell out of love with it.  [Not an excuse now, this is just about message]
• At another point, I read comments between two colleagues about one’s website where it was stated and defended that it was not JUST narcissistic blog-type ramblings but a “serious” website.  That made me pretty insecure since I wasn’t sure whether what I was writing could be considered narcissistic.  Well, to hell with wondering because it isn’t, but may be it is.  I’m putting myself out there, but who’s to say that what I’m going through won’t resonate and may be even help someone else.
• Have you read the posts and books by those super peppy 30 somethings?  They all seem to have their lives together. (yes, that may be a touch of jealousy) And they have a lot to say about how to put your life on the right track.  How to succeed.  Oh heck, just follow your passion!  Well, I have to be honest but I’m 56 and I don’t really know what my passion is.  I guess I said that already but how does one discover their passion?  I guess that may be we can figure that out together.
• Being where I am in my life, I don’t think I’m alone in the way I feel about wanting and needing change.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that everyone looks at their life the way I do, but I don’t think I’m alone.  May be it’s that old mid-life crisis.  May be its the feeling that there is more that I still need to do, to learn, to give.  May be its just saying, I know this isn’t all there is.

So, I think that maybe enough.  It’s enough to get started.  Enough to explain the journey.  Enough to invite you along for the ride!