Day 11 (7WJ) – Accept not knowing

So, it’s day 11.  I suddenly felt the need to do some math and see how many days are left.  … 38 days!  Thirty-eight days out of my original 7 Week Journey (7WJ).  In 38 days my lease is up and I won’t be here.  The question is, “Where will I be?”

I am generally uncomfortable with not having a plan and at the same time, all of my actions fight against the plan that I try to put in place.  In January, I tried to plan for this move.  Put aside money, be in a position that it would be financially easy.  Did I do it?  Nope!  Not one cent.  …I think that I wrote this before.

What I write about were the things I didn’t plan ahead for and was able to do: 1. an extended business trip to California in January, taking my daughter to Beverly Hills for the weekend because she’s always wanted to go.  2. paying for dorms and tuition deposit at UCF – and then ooops, she’s into the school of her dreams, FSU – and doing it all over again. 3. paying for the most expensive prom and dress ever! and 4. paying for multiple family meals to celebrate her graduation.  They weren’t in the plans but they are going to be some pretty awesome memories!

So, I move in 38 days (or less) and right now I don’t know where or how I’m going to pay for it.  Of course, I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t believe it was financially possible.  Tight, yes.  But still possible.

Then, of course, there is the little issue of where.  In my mind I can see the place I want.  Problem is, it doesn’t exist in south Florida in my price range.  Closer to work and cut the commute and closer to the beach.  Those are the criteria.  Closer is general is definitely possible, but I want within 2 miles of the beach.  …still looking.

Then, there are other changes I’d like to make in my life.  Mostly in search of an existence I don’t dread every morning.  Is it the commute?  The tasks in general?  Do I just need a vacation?  Or…am I in search of some completely new adventure?  I’m kind of thinking its a little of all of this.  For now, I just don’t know what that something is.  So, I’m trying to ease into the not knowing.  I’m trying to relax and allow myself to recognize the opportunity that arises. I won’t be content not knowing for long, but I know that if I’m too stressed or too busy, it will fly by unnoticed.  For someone who feels they should always know and have a plan I’m acting on, this is the hard part.  The really hard part!  It is fighting all the conditioning and expectations for a perfectly laid out life.  But in reality, my life so far hasn’t been anything close to how I had scripted it in my mind, why should what lies before me be any different.  I can’t wait to see what surprises await me, when I know!