Impasse

It’s a roadblock. 

It’s in the way, between where I am and where I want to go. It is huge and yet unknown. Unseen. Unrecognizable. 

It’s the time I now might reach for a drink. Or a game on my iPad. Or social media. Anyone comment on my posts in the last…30 seconds? 

It’s chocolate or a pastry that’s been left on the credenza by the coffee. The one I walk past at least eight times each day. I swear they were left there to tempt me. 

It’s hunger and yet it’s not. It’s a distraction. Plain, simple, only a distraction. And yet, it brings me to my knees. At an impasse. At odds with …. myself. 

It’s where I can do just enough…to get by….but no more. 

It’s where my thoughts feel like swirling gas, smoldering beneath the surface and yet, that’s where they stay. They rarely combust anymore. I’ve become too skilled and now contain the elements to the point that I barely notice. But when I tune in, I know they are there. 

And just maybe, I think, there must be a way to set the dynamite. Maybe not so extreme. But maybe a way to break in and break through and expand the opening to get to that point where I can once again connect with my good ideas. Connect and act. Or a bad idea. Right now a bad one might work. A point where I don’t have to feel that I know they are there yet I can’t get to them. 

Maybe is just a temporary barrier and breaking through begins with each and every small action. No knight or road crew is going to move what stands in my way. I can’t wait for AAA to magically make this disappear. 

I must take action. And maybe a detour. Because is there every really an impasse that’s impossible to pass?