So much yes…

These are the days that confuse me. Or maybe it isn’t a day, but a type of day, or a thing. 

I left my home a week ago. Last Sunday I was at an art festival with family and that was a big yes!  A big, I love this!  But then the time at the festival was done and I moved on. 

Today was the first time since that day that I felt Yes!…and felt the power of yes!!! And unfortunately it shortly preceded the big NO that screamed I needed to retreat and withdraw. 

I was around some educators this morning and the energy was thick. In many ways, it drew me in. I felt, yes-I miss this. I felt, yes-I’d like to work more with this, I felt, yes-this is where my energy lies. ….that only lasted about 5 hours and then my body screamed NO!

The NO led me to separate. The NO led me to find quiet and space. The NO drained and exhausted me. The NO has left me wondering what the yes was all about. 

There was a time that I would have ignored my no. I would have sucked it up and stuck it out. As time passes, I tolerate doing that less. As much as I am able to, I listen. But I am left confused because I feel like I need a translator. I’m hearing the directive, body-felt no, but it leaves me longing for the more clear, energizing yes. The one I am pulled by. The one I yearn for. The yes that is bigger and bolder and screams……and maybe that’s where my confusion has been. Maybe my yes is that deep, soul stirring whisper, the one I’ve always felt. The one that feels like home. The one that’s always inside….the one I just needed to translate what it was saying.  

Maybe the big yes and bigger no have me finding that yes after all!?!