Under No Obligation

My youngest daughter, in from college, wanted to go to the beach yesterday.  When she woke up she came into my room and asked, “Are we going to do this?”  My response was my typical, “Do you want to?”

Every day we are given opportunities to take action and make decisions.  We are under no obligation to do anything.  NO ONE IS MAKING YOU! Try telling that to the voice in my head or the twist in my gut.  But truly, no one is making me do anything.

In spite of needing to shop for Thanksgiving and having a wicked cold, it was my choice to go to the beach. I thought about the relatively short 12 mile trip – she wanted to go; she’d pout if I bailed out; the sun might be good for my cold; I love the beach; I can shop later.  In other words, I rationalized the shit out of it and put the decision on her.  In doing this, I bailed on my responsibility to myself.  By that I mean that I abdicated my role in making my decision for myself to her.  In truth, the end result in this case would have been the same, but where the difference lies is in our internal processing of our right to choose and our ability to show up for ourselves.

In me, the way that it works is that I can take things that I don’t want to do and force myself to do them because I feel somehow bound or obligated, without a choice.  It looks like this:

• I have to walk the dogs because – no one else will do it
• I have to make Thanksgiving dinner – because everyone is expecting me to
• I have to go to work – because I have to support everyone
• I have to go to the beach – because my daughter will be disappointed if I don’t

But, it also works the opposite way, when I want to do something and I talk myself out of it:

• I want to go to the beach – but I have so much work to do, I really shouldn’t (and then I don’t)
• I want to buy myself a nice, new outfit – but I shouldn’t because I don’t really need it
• I want to spend time working on my writing – but I should really be finishing the reports for my job

The bottom line is that it is up to me.  It is all up to me.  I am under absolutely no obligation to do anything.  So, it is up to me to decide how I want to show up!  That can be very empowering if I embrace it and act on it!  I can act – or not!  I choose. Of course, I can also choose how I want to frame the thought as well.  But in choosing, I also choose my consequences.  It is up to me, and up to you to.  We all have a right to choose for ourselves.  How do we want this life to look.  How do we want to show up, even though we are under no obligation?